Tranquil Desire
by Ivorywing
Summary: A warriors fan fiction. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**&Chapter One; **

It was raining, but it wasn't raining any type of liquid. No, it was raining sunshine across the whole entire of our territory. Everything was bathed in a bright glow that was thanks to of all the sunlight pouring out from the source -- the sun, that fiery ball of goodness knows what.

A gentle breeze fluttered through, caressing the leaves on all the plants ever so faintly, letting them air out. Dew moistened the plants slightly while the sun soon dried the tiny, crystalline droplets out. The earth seemed to be alive with creatures as they opened their eyes, ready to face a new day. Here and there, rustles were audible as tiny animals scuttled about in the underbrush. From nearby, a few notes of birdsong pierced the serene silence. As more creatures began awakening, the birdsong rose up even more into the air, supported by the birds that sang. The notes hovered in the air with a beautiful tone, unwavering as they soon faded out.

I, by myself in the center of the DawnClan Camp, was witnessing all this beauty. Most of the other cats weren't awake yet, but some of them were. I saw my sister, Aspenpaw, padding about Camp, an expressionless mask on her face. She was the medicine cat's apprentice, so that was just normal that she showed no emotion. What was odd about it, however, was that she wasn't even a full-fledged medicine cat yet -- she was still a medicine cat apprentice and yet she had still almost mastered the technique of not letting her emotions show through her face. Strange. She was the only she-cat in our litter, and I knew that she felt rather deprived sometimes. My two brothers, Thornpaw and Icepaw, were still asleep in the apprentice's den.

I've never liked Thornpaw -- he's rambunctious and always so haughty as if he's better than everyone else. When we used to play games as kits together, he would always be the loyal and true warrior while I always had to be the evil one that betrayed the Clan. Icepaw had never really played with us and Aspenpaw was out of the question. Only I played with Thornpaw, the reason being because I wanted to be like him -- he was all muscular and had a large frame while I was narrow-boned and not as big. My mother, Ivyleaf, told me not to worry and told me that I would eventually grow big and strong, but I didn't really believe her. Thornpaw, however, was a very handsome cat -- he had a pure black pelt with sharp, green eyes, the reason for the prefix 'thorn' for his name.

Icepaw? Well, he's never been really close to Thornpaw or me. I guess you could say he was the one that was the most attached to our mother more than any of us. I don't exactly know that much about his personality, which is surprising, considering that he's my kin. He has a cream colored pelt accompanied with amber-brown eyes.

And me. Well, I can't exactly describe my personality, but I think I can kind of describe my looks. I'm jealous of Thornpaw; he could capture the attention of any she-cat while she-cats would barely even take a glance in my direction, not even knowing that I existed. I have a grayish colored pelt with just plain brownish nut colored eyes. It's nothing special and no one really cares about me. That's fine. I've learned to live independently, although my mother has usually been there for me. Still, I don't want to grow up being always _so_ close to my mother -- I wanted to break free sometime -- soon, if possible!

Suddenly, I hear a loud purr cut in to the air from nearby. Surprised, I turned my head to look and my eyes were greeted with a sight that brought annoyance in to me. No, the first cat that I laid eyes upon wasn't the one who irritated me -- no, that cat did nothing even close to annoying me.

Her name's Whisperpaw. In my eyes, she's absolutely and positively stunning and brilliant in every which way. She speaks in a soft voice, part of the reason why her name is partially 'whisper.' Her pelt is a snow-white color, white enough to rival even the color of fresh-fallen snow. And her eyes... They're absolutely breathtaking. They're a mixture of blue and silver -- causing a gorgeous silvery azure color in her eyes. It's beautiful. Her dainty and petite frame makes her seem as if she'd shatter apart in to a million little pieces if someone knocked her over, but to tell the truth, she was an extremely skilled fighter and hunter. I long to be seated next to her and to hear her soft, melodic purr in my ear.

You could say I had a crush on her.

There was Whisperpaw, the love of my life. But she would never notice me, not when _Thornpaw_ -- yes, he was now awake -- was around. Thornpaw was also quite taken with Whisperpaw and seemed captivated by everything she did. Unlike me, however, Thornpaw actually had the guts to show some signs of affection for Whisperpaw like brushing his pelt against hers or running his tongue over her ear or touching his nose lightly to her flank. My only consolation in this situation was that Whisperpaw never really seemed to return Thornpaw's affections back as enthusiastically as he gave them.

So, there I was, sitting about the DawnClan Camp and watching as Thornpaw tried to woo and win Whisperpaw's heart. He just never knew when to give up, did he? I watched with narrow eyes, my tail lashing out against the ground especially hard one time when Thornpaw wrapped himself protectively around Whisperpaw as if she were _his_ she-cat and his only. _Yeah right._

"Whisperpaw, you're fairer than anything in this world. Your pelt is a beautiful white color, white enough to rival fresh-fallen snow. Your eyes are exotically gorgeous; they're an absolutely beautiful color." _His_ voice cut in to my thoughts. I jerked my head up, glaring at Thornpaw from where I was seated. To my satisfaction, Whisperpaw didn't really respond.

"Thank you, Thornpaw," was all she murmured in that soft, silvery voice that captivated my attention so much. There! That just proved that she wasn't in love with Thornpaw! A purr of delight rumbled in my chest while a wave of affection and tenderness for the ivory colored she-cat engulfed me in its grasp.

"Whisperpaw," I breathed to myself, letting her name flow over my tongue freely. It felt good; each syllable was placed in the correct place that made the name just happen to sound out in the air just like magic. _Whisperpaw._

"Whisperpaw's caught your eye?" A voice jolted me out of my thoughts as I whipped around to see who had spoken to me. To my surprise, I saw Aspenpaw standing behind me with a rather amused look in her eyes. My gaze met hers, and in them, I almost thought I saw a strange hungry longing in them for something, but I couldn't quite put my paw on it for sure.

Aspenpaw didn't even wait for my response -- she just gave a slight purr of amusement, flicked my ears with her tail, then padded away as if this were all just some little joke that she had planned. I raised my shoulders in a shrugging movement as I watched her disappear in to the medicine cat's den, obviously on her way to go assist her mentor with herbs and the like.

I turned my head so that I could look back at Thornpaw and Whisperpaw, although my eyes were only on Whisperpaw as she implied the fact that she was politely declining on Thornpaw's rash affections. Giving a mental sigh of frustration at the fact that Thornpaw wasn't getting the point, I turned away.

Another voice spoke behind me. The familiar soft, whispering tone of it surprised me as I whirled around, surprise causing my heart beat to pick up and move so rapidly and loudly, that I thought that everyone in the midst of the DawnClan inhabitance known as the DawnClan Camp could hear it. My gaze met a lustrous silvery blue one. As I recognized whose eyes they were and my eye widened their view to see the expanse of the cat speaking to me, I nearly fainted from the exhilaration that filled me as I determined who it was.


	2. Chapter 2

**&Chapter Two; **

Excitement flickered in my eyes as I bounded at a rapid pace behind Whisperpaw, my tail twitching wildly with anticipation of having a good time with Whisperpaw out here in my beloved woods that belonged to the DawnClan cats. As I surveyed the surroundings that made up the territory of the DawnClan cats, a sense of pride welled up in me, and a new feeling of contentedness rushed over me. Still, there was one cat that remained in my life, one cat that would forever bug me until the day of his death: Thornpaw. He was, metaphorically, a thorn in my side, as his name somewhat suggested.

There he was, padding alongside Whisperpaw. I listened to their conversation, hearing the same old comments about how beautiful and stunning she was coming from Thornpaw. In order to cancel out what words the two were trading with each other, I recalled the scene that had happened in Camp just before this one out in the forest.

_Whisperpaw padded up to me, giving a slight greeting as I turned around suddenly at the familiar sound of her voice. "Hello, Stonepaw," she murmured softly, gazing at me with that gaze I held as absolutely beautiful. "Doveflight told me to tell you that you, Thornpaw, Icepaw, and I are to go on our assessment to begin warriors!" When she exclaimed those words, her eyes lit up with excitement. "Duskfall, Stormgale, and Whiterose are also going to be assessing us."_

I couldn't exactly particularly remember anything beyond that. I can't exactly remember my reaction, but I know that I didn't totally botch things up, because I was here, on my assessment. I knew that somewhere amongst the DawnClan territory that Doveflight, Whisperpaw's mentor, Duskfall, my mentor, Stormgale, Thornpaw's mentor, and Whiterose, Icepaw's mentor, were out there, testing us to decide if we were fit to become warriors.

The four of us soon came to a clearing in the middle of the numerous trees that were growing everywhere to form the DawnClan forest. "This is where we separate," Whisperpaw meowed quietly. We all stood there, looking around at each other. For a fleeting moment, my eyes locked with Whisperpaw's, and my breath caught in my throat. Sadly, Thornpaw's loud and annoying voice had to cut in to the moment. Figures that he ruins something even when he doesn't know what it is.

"All right! Off I go to catch the biggest prey in the forest and to pass this assessment with _flying paws_!" Thornpaw exclaimed, sticking out his chest for a moment before turning away, and with a gallant leap, bounded away. I looked at Icepaw, wondering what my brother was thinking about Thornpaw's little expression of 'flying paws.' Noticing that he seemed just as bewildered as I, I gave a slight purr of amusement that could somewhat be the equivalent of your human chuckle. With that, I myself turned, and I can't quite say that I didn't try to show off just like Thornpaw when I turned to dart away. Behind me, Icepaw and Whisperpaw exchanged rather bemused glances before separating their ways as well.

Nervous feelings had sunk deep in my belly, and now my mind was recalling them back again, one by one, so that they twisted together to form one great block of anxiety. This was my time to become a warrior. I would pass this examination as well as I could. I knew I had the skills – I just had to apply them right. Besides, in order to beat Thornpaw to Whisperpaw's attention, it would make no sense to allow Thornpaw to become a warrior and leave me behind to still be an apprentice. No, that wouldn't do at all.

Trying to clear my head, I turned my thoughts to hunting. Crouching down low near a cluster of rocks that were a gray color, which hid my pelt rather well, I succumbed to listening to the sounds of the forest that surrounded me. It's amazing how much you can hear by just clamping your jaw shut to prevent words from spilling out unbidden. Thornpaw should learn how to do it. Maybe then he would realize Whisperpaw's reluctance of receiving his affections.

I padded about the area, my senses aware as I kept an eye out for any sign of prey scuttling about in the area. I was absolutely set on catching one of the biggest pieces of prey that the Clan had ever seen – that type of feat would likely allow me to grasp some of Whisperpaw's attention, something that I had had a desire for ever since I first laid eyes on her in a different way than one of my best friends. Even though my belly hadn't felt the pains of growls in a while, my mind often suffered hunger pains like that – pains of longing. Longing for Whisperpaw to notice me for a few more seconds, for me to hear her sweet, clear voice murmuring at barely an audible tone.

There was one word to describe my feeling towards her.

Obsession.

No matter how hard I tried to run away from that fact, I could immediately sense that this was true, even though I truly didn't want to believe in it. No. I couldn't be obsessing over her—but I was. Was I no better than Thornpaw, then?

It was just… Everything about her – the eyes that shimmered with her current emotion, the graceful arch of her slender neck, how everything on her was perfectly proportioned to fit her dainty frame – was something that drew me to her even more. Still, it wasn't all about the looks. Her personality – noble and elegant and regal as well as exceedingly patient, yet she proved herself as a normal cat by having the tendency to get a little vain and to give the silent treatment to those she's rather frustrated with, once she can get the point across that she's frustrated with them, of course (Thornpaw?). Even her flaws, however, were what made me love her. Well, it was more of admiration, but the hints of love were now beginning to blossom.

Suddenly, a faint rustle startled me out of my thoughts. Hunting! How could I have forgotten? Instinctively, my eyes flickered up to the sky to determine the position of the sun. Well. I had some time left before I had to report back to Camp with my prey. Looking around, I firmly told myself that it was time to begin hunting. If I wanted to be a warrior, after all, I had to pass this assessment, didn't I?

Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a mouse skittering about back and forth at a rapid pace, looking as if it were collecting seeds and whatnot. Instantly, I went in to a hunter's crouch, careful to keep my tail down so that it didn't stick straight up and throw the foliage. Keeping my steps light and easy and making that I was downwind from the mouse, I crept forward. Falling back and putting my weight on my haunches, I watched the movements of the mouse until it had seemed to halt in its doings for a few moments. Not even bothering to pause and reconsider whether I would get the mouse or not, I sprang up, and landed easily on top of the small creature, taking its life quite easily.

It went on like this for a few more catches, stalking the prey and then capturing its life. Every time I succeeded, I dug a shallow hole in the dirt and stuck the piece of prey in it, tossing a few dead leaves over it.

All of a sudden, overhead, I heard a flurry of feathers as wings beat rapidly. The noise then stopped abruptly. Looking up and around, trying to locate where the sound came from, my gaze suddenly rested on a creature that I had never seen before, but had heard of. Even though I had never truly laid eyes on one, the descriptions of the elders were true enough. It was an eagle.

All of a sudden, I don't know what overcame me. Maybe it was that desire, not at all tranquil, which I succumbed to, making me mad in the head and charging up towards the eagle, claws unsheathed? I don't exactly know what was wrong with me, but I knew that I was being one thing.

A mouse-brained furball.

Still, I was acutely aware of that and I wasn't really bothered by it. If I could just bring back this eagle to Camp as a piece of fresh-kill, then not even Thornpaw could ignore the fact that _I _had been the one to capture this eagle and bring it home. Besides, I had always wondered what eagle tasted like.

Nearing the short tree trunk in which the eagle had paused to maybe rest for a few moments, I slowed down slightly, my mind planning some type of strategy, and not finding any. Well, there was only one way to find out what eagle tasted like, right?

Throwing caution to the winds, I sprang up, determined to take that eagle as prey back into the DawnClan Camp.


	3. Chapter 3

:--;; Chapter Three

** :--;; Chapter Three **

I followed the shadow of the hawk, glancing up every so often to make sure that I was following the correct shadow. Anticipation laced through every nerve in me, making me jumpy and excited. I imagined Whisperpaw's soft voice murmuring her praises for me when I brought the hawk back home to the Camp. I imagined Thornpaw's jealous glares that were shot towards me when Whisperpaw admitted that she had been in love with me all along. I even went as far to imagine that the whole Clan would congratulate me and would hold me in higher esteem.

Suddenly, a cry awoke me from my thoughts. I skidded to a halt almost immediately, alertness suddenly filling my eyes. That cry was familiar. Very familiar.

"Icepaw!" I cried out. I paused for a while, cocking my head to listen. After a few moments of silence, another cry filled the area. Springing up, I immediately began running in the direction of where Icepaw's voice had come from, accelerating speed quickly. As I neared the area, the fear-scent got thicker. Suddenly, as I came to a stop at a rock, there he was. Icepaw.

He was drowning. The waves of the water raged against each other, frothing with the wind tossing them about. Icepaw's head submerged from the water for a few seconds then was almost automatically covered up again by more waves. Fear caused my eyes to widen, and I stood there, staring in disbelief. Icepaw. Drowning? The most cautious cat out of the whole litter?

I had to do something, yet I was rooted to the spot, a look of horror frozen on my face. "Icepaw…" My brother's name came out in a hoarse whisper. I had to do something. _Something. Something. _I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. Coiling down and putting my weight on my hind legs, I sprang up into the air, fear pounding in my heart.

The first thing I felt was the slapping of the icy waves hitting me, the force of it rushing through me. I opened my mouth to breathe, but got water instead of the oxygen that my lungs required. I coughed, spitting out the water. Breaking through the surface of the water, I looked around wildly for Icepaw, my eyes burning from the water. "I-Ice-p-paw!" I stuttered.

I kicked out furiously against the current, my paws moving rapidly as I lashed out, trying to get to Icepaw. Almost there… almost… almost… If I reached out a paw, I could touch his pelt. Moving closer, I sunk my teeth into my brother's pelt, dragging him towards the shore of the river. Every single limb in me quarreled with the continuous flurry of waves. More than once, I lost grip on Icepaw and had to dive back down and retrieve him. I was losing strength and energy fast, and I almost felt as if I couldn't go on. I couldn't think. I couldn't breathe.

Somehow, one way or another, I made it to the bank of the river with Icepaw in tow. I collapsed, unsheathing my claws to dig in to the mud so that I didn't slip back down into the fierce waters. I was too tense. I needed to relax and loosen my muscles. Slowly, I began letting loose my tightened jaw muscles. Something slipped from my grip, and a weight was lifted. I gave a deep sigh of relief.

Suddenly, my head shot up. Icepaw! My head snapped to the side, a horror-struck look inhabiting the features on my face. I watched as my brother's lifeless body tumbled down the shore, sliding through the mud, and slipped into the water.

"No!" I cried out, struggling to stand up. A paw came down hard on my back, causing pain to shoot up and down my spine. I looked up, my senses dazed by the pain and helplessness I felt.

"How could you?" a voice growled in my ear, a tone of pure rage in it. I knew that voice. It couldn't be mistaken, no matter how hard you tried.

Thornpaw.

I struggled against Thornpaw's paw, attempting to summon up enough strength to get up and face him. With Thornpaw, it was always better to speak with him when standing up and looking him in the eye. Still, it seemed as if all my strength had vanished, leaving me as helpless and weak as if I were just a newborn kit. The frustration of this caused anger to pulse through my veins, as well as defiance mixed in to it. Defiance against Thornpaw, that was. How could he just treat me like this? Had he not seen that I had just nearly drowned?

I lay there, fighting against the weight of Thornpaw's paw that kept me down. I was in the midst of thrashing about to try to get away from him when the whole entire thing just dawned on me. Me saving Icepaw. Icepaw half-dead. Icepaw dead and tumbling back down into the lake.

The crushing impact of this fact suddenly weighed down on me, and I let out a strangled cry of despair and anguish. Icepaw. My brother. I had killed him.

"How could you?" The words were repeated again in the same, harsh voice. The weight on my back increased even more as Thornpaw pressed down harder on to my spine, causing me to wince. "You killed my brother," he added in a hiss. Even though I couldn't shift my head to look up at him, I could feel his green eyes burning into my pelt, his eyes formed into a deep glare that was of pure hatred.

"He's… my…" My words caught short in my throat, my breath coming in shallow pants. "…Brother…" My grip on the mud began to slip. "…As… well…" _Oh, StarClan. Help me. Please. _I was slipping… slipping…

"I should just let you fall back in and face the same death that _my _brother faced, but I won't take a life off of this earth, even if it is a life that doesn't deserve to live," Thornpaw hissed. I felt his teeth sink into my pelt, and I felt him dragging me along the ground, with no sensitivity towards how my head was throbbing and the rest of my body aching. The scenery around me began to blend together, the colors mixing. The lights began dimming, and black bordered the edges of my vision. Icepaw…

Millions of visions of my brother flitted about through my mind. Icepaw eating. Icepaw bringing in fresh-kill. Icepaw… all the images flooded into my mind. Then, in the midst of all these pictures, one thought hit me.

I had lost the brother I had never had.

With that lost thought floating about in my mind with nothing else distorting it and allowing me to think of other things, I blacked out.

--

My eyes fluttered open, but shut halfway almost immediately after the light streamed in, too bright. A gentle breeze whispered through, brushing lightly against my pelt, adding a nice coolness to the den that I was in. The smell of herbs wafted to my nose, its scent sweet and gentle all at once, the fragrances soothing me. Forcing my eyes open again, I waited until my eyes adjusted to the golden rays that streamed in. Breathing in deeply, I raised my head.

"Not so fast now. You should still probably rest, sugar," a voice meowed in a light voice, her tone nonchalant and airy as if nothing had happened to me. A tail stroked my right flank in a calming way, and I knew instantly by the touch who it was.

"Saffronpaw," I meowed in a voice that seemed almost grateful sounding. Indeed, I was happy to have Saffronpaw here, since she was my very best friend in the whole of the Clan. Born two moons after I, she had not yet experienced her assessment.

Assessment! My head jolted up, and I winced from the pain that shot through. Stormgale? Duskfall? Whiterose? Doveflight? Where had they all been when I was trying to save Icepaw?

"Whoa there, Stonepaw. You gotta rest. If you don't, Aspenpaw's gonna go and practically kill me," Saffronpaw told me, gazing down at me with her yellowish amber eyes that seemed to shine with their wisdom. Despite the fact that her voice was kind, it was still filled with authority that made me listen. I lay my head back down on the moss, part of the springy moss that formed my bed here in the medicine cat's den.

"Stonepaw, hun, can I tell you something?" the silvery colored she-cat meowed. When I gave a slight nod of my head, she continued. "I don't think like the other cats in the Clan do right now. I believe that you didn't kill Icepaw, and that it was just fatigue that came over you. Don't listen to what Thornpaw and the like say. Especially don't listen to Whisperpaw."

Whisperpaw! My head shot up again. "Whisperpaw?" My voice came out faint. Don't listen to Whisperpaw? Since when would I feel the need to not listen to Whisperpaw? Her clear, bell-like voice that came out in such a soft, whispery tone? The beautiful silver-blue eyes? The pure, snow-white pelt?

"You see, sugar, I'm sorry to say this, but Whisperpaw's got her heart completely set against you."


	4. Chapter 4

**&Chapter Four; **

"I don't want to speak with you, Stonepaw."

"But… Whisperpaw… why…?"

"You very well know why."

And so, the ivory colored she-cat with such a gaze that was so captivating simply left me there standing and staring after her, a heartbroken and stricken look on my face. I bowed my head in shame, tears pricking at my eyes and threatening to spill out in a furious torrent. I would not let other cats see my cry. I would not. Would not.

Casting my eyes upward, I saw Whisperpaw padding to Thornpaw, the white she-cat greeted by the usual chorus of praises. Resentment raged in me, my claws sheathing and unsheathing as they dug into the rich earth underneath. My muscles tensed, almost until I couldn't control the feelings of fury that stormed in me, threatening to burst out.

"She ain't all too nice, is she, furball?"

I turned around, a sigh of relief issuing from my throat when I heard whom the words were coming from. Saffronpaw. In situations, especially ones that frustrated me, she was like my savior – my only hold on to sanity and remaining normal.

Saffronpaw's voice was clear and easy-going, her complete demeanor relaxed. Still, she could fly into an extremely heated temper with just a few words to provoke her. Right now, she could be classified as my only friend.

For the whole time I had been awake today, I had been receiving glares and side-glances from other cats. Words shared with them were few and cold, and not at all satisfying my need for conversation. Saffronpaw was the only cat that would willingly speak with me, but her mentor kept her out and I couldn't particularly get a chance to speak to her. Each time I tried, she said she was busy, but as this progressed I began to think that it was because her mentor didn't want me interacting with her. Aspenpaw tried her best to help, but she herself had a lot of duties as a medicine cat apprentice.

I endured this all the best that I could, but it was hard. Obviously. Currently, I was seated in the middle of the DawnClan Camp, looking around at all the scenery surrounding the Camp. In truth, this was a lot like one of those days, like the ones in the beginning of my story in which I was sitting by myself, reminiscing, while watching Thornpaw talk on and on to Whisperpaw, praising her nonstop.

Ever since those cold words from Whisperpaw a few days before, sadness had inhabited my very being, my very soul. If only any other cat besides her had said words like that to me, I wouldn't have let myself succumb to these desolate feelings. If it hadn't been for Saffronpaw and Aspenpaw as well as a few other cats who were faithful to me and sympathized with me, I would've wanted to stop living all together. It wasn't even that this was such a dire thing – even if Whisperpaw didn't love me, I wanted her to at least like me as a friend, if possible.

"I still can't get over it. I miss Icepaw so much. If it weren't for you and your sweet voice, your gorgeous eyes, and everything about you that soothes me, I wouldn't have the will at all to live anymore."

There was that voice again. Irritation rippled through me. I drew a line in the ground with my paw, twitching. I wasn't quite sure how to respond to hearing these words – was I to laugh, cry, or ignore it all?

Loving another outside of your family was such a fickle thing. After all, what _was _the real meaning of love? Was it sharing sweet, whispered words? Was it the gentle brush of someone's tail against your flank? Or was it just the fact that mates bore kits?

"I'm sorry for your loss, Thornpaw."

A deep sigh issued from my throat. _Whisperpaw_. Her clear, bell-like voice came out in a melodic tone, quiet and barely audible as she expressed her condolences towards Thornpaw. I couldn't quite tell if they were real or not, but the whole entire thing just infuriated me.

"Still hanging over her, I see. You're too good for her, furball. You gotta realize that. I mean, please. You really want to spend the rest of your life padding after a she-cat who's not even going to pay you the least mind?"

Saffronpaw. No matter how much I valued her as a friend, there were some times when what she said could trigger the anger in me. I whipped around, preparing a sharp retort, then faltered. I had never really been all that great at comebacks, and words often had to be planned in my mind before I was able to say them aloud.

I think Saffronpaw used this inability of mine to come up with an argument to her advantage. A slight purr rumbled in her throat as she gave me a slight nudge. "Don't worry, furball. You'll get over this sooner or later. I promise you, you'll live." She looked at me, an earnest look in her eyes.

What was I kidding myself? I couldn't stay mad at Saffronpaw – she was my very best friend, practically. I gave another sigh, then looked at her.

"You really sure?"

"Pretty sure."

"Really _really_ sure?"

"Positive."

Then why did I feel so… empty? Why did there have to be so much drama in my life? Why couldn't things just be… normal? Why did love have to be such a fickle and hard thing to comprehend? Yet… again... what was the true meaning of _love_? Was it the gentle brush of someone's pelt against yours? Or was it the light touch of a cat's nose to your flank? Or was love just measured in the amounts of purrs shared with each other during tender moments?

Lowering my head onto my paws and settling into a comfortable position, I stared out around the Camp, the flickering images of Whisperpaw and Thornpaw reflecting in my eyes. I gave a start when I felt a familiar pelt touch mine lightly, my muscles tensing, but I soon relaxed, bringing myself to a tranquil state, allowing myself to doze off slightly, Saffronpaw right next to me.

The voices in the DawnClan Camp slowly began to fade away, turning into mumblings and murmurs, before finally disappearing altogether as my eyelids fluttered until my eyes shut.

Dreams are an interesting thing. They can just pop out of nowhere unexpectedly, and you can never really know what to make of them. Whether they're just a figment of your own imagination or a true message from StarClan, one can never really be sure. Sleep somewhat soothed the ache that clung onto me while I was enduring the fact that I had killed my own brother and that the she-cat I loved now despised me, but it only dulled the pain a little.

Breathing in deeply, I opened my eyes – yet I wasn't awake. No – I was in an unknown place, yet this place seemed as recognizable and comfortable to inhabit as if it were DawnClan Camp all over again. In fact, if I examined it closely, this place had many of the same similarities to the dense forests and small bodies of water that made up the territory of the DawnClan Camps.

"Welcome, Stonepaw."

The voice was well known to me, and a sense of recognition caused a lump in my throat to rise. I looked up, my eyes welling slightly with tears.

"Icepaw!" Icepaw's name was choked out from me, filled with anguish. I rushed forward towards the figure of my brother. "Icepaw! I can't— Please — I—" The words came out in a flustered voice. During the period after I had killed Icepaw, the words had been locked up in me. It seemed as if all of a sudden they were all trying to get out, causing me to trip over what I had to say.

"At ease, brother. You've been forgiven long before, Stonepaw. Over time, the other cats will eventually forget about me, and I'll just be a cat that lived whose life was taken at an early age as an apprentice. It has happened before – accidents."

I couldn't take it. How could he act so casual and calm as he spoke of his own death and how it had happened? How could he…? Why couldn't he be angry with me? At least if he were angry at me, it would feel better than this current emotion – as if he understood and had forgiven me for everything. "Why can you find room in your heart to forgive me? Why do you not hate me?" I asked, my voice coming out in a hoarse whisper.

"Hate is a harsh word. A very, very harsh word. Hate is when you have your heart absolutely dead set against something and you want to cut it out of your life forever. You realize, Stonepaw, that I could never to that against you – my own kin. Even if we were never really that close… well, you're still kin, and there's nothing that can change that. It's not your fault that I was stupid enough to be daydreaming about Saffronpaw…"

I turned my gaze on Icepaw, a puzzled look in my eyes. Saffronpaw? When Icepaw saw me looking at him like that, he immediately looked rather disheveled as he tried to cover up for what he was saying.

"I mean… So… On a different notice…" he stammered out. If it were a possibility for cats to blush, I swear, Icepaw would've probably turned a bright crimson red color.

"Saffronpaw?" I asked, pressing the subject, failing to see that it was making Icepaw rather uncomfortable. Instead of the pain that I was still suffering at Icepaw's death, I was now filled with a rather teasing emotion as if we were still back in the DawnClan Camp, as if nothing had ever happened.

Icepaw proceeded to change the subject by talking about other light-hearted matters, pretending to not hear me.

Icepaw… Saffronpaw… Icepaw and _Saffronpaw_… How interesting.


End file.
